These have been going around the Internet for years, but I thought them worth reprising.The ‘editorial’ comments are attributed to the original poster of these.

And, they help fill this too-long-vacant space for this week, while I revive my too-long-vacant brain to get back into Work Mode.

For your amusement…enjoy!

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Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

That couldn’t have been easy!

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Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

No crap…. really?

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Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Now that’s taking things a bit far!

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Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

What a guy!

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Miners Refuse to Work after Death

No-good-for-nothing, lazy so-and-so’s!

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Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

See if that works any better than a fair trial!

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War Dims Hope for Peace

I can see where it might have that effect!

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If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

Ya think?!

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Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Who would have thought!

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Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

They may be on to something!

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Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?

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Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

He probably IS the battery charge!

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New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Weren’t they fat enough?!

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Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

That’s what he gets for eating those beans!

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Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Do they taste like chicken?

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Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
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Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Boy, are they tall!
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And the winner is…

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Did I read that right?

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(The rest of these I found while trying the locate the source for the above. They’re reprinted here from the site of Bob Brooks at Texas A&M University, and do list the original headlines’ source):

Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link

Cornell Daily Sun, December 7, 1995

Whatever Their motives, Moms Who Kill Kids still Shock Us

Holland Sentinal, date unknown.

Survey Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut

The New York Times, November 22

Larger Kangaroos Leap Farther, Researchers Find

The Los Angeles Times, November 2

‘Light’ meals are lower in fat, calories

Huntington Herald-Dispatch, November 30

Alcohol ads promote drinking

The Hartford Courant, November 18

Malls try to attract shoppers

The Baltimore Sun, October 22

Official: Only rain will cure drought

The Herald-News, Westpost, Massachusetts

Teen-age girls often have babies fathered by men

The Sunday Oregonian, September 24

Low Wages Said Key to Poverty

Newsday, July 11

Man shoots neighbor with machete

The Miami Herald, July 3

Tomatoes come in big, little, medium sizes

The Daily Progress, Charlottesville, Virginia, March 30

Dirty-Air Cities Far Deadlier Than Clean Ones, Study Shows

The New York Times, March 10

Man Run Over by Freight Train Dies

The Los Angeles Times, March 2

Scientists see quakes in L.A. future

The Oregonian, January 28

Wachtler tells graduates that life in jail is demeaning

The Buffalo News, February 26

Free Advice: Bundle up when out in the cold

Lexington Herald-Leader, January 26

Prosecution paints O.J. as a wife-killer

Fort Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel, January 25

Economist uses theory to explain economy

Collinsville Herald-Journal, February 8

Bible church’s focus is the Bible

Saint Augustine Record, Florida, December 3, 1994

Clinton pledges restraint in use of nuclear weapons

Cedar Rapids Gazette, April 6

Discoveries: Older blacks have edge in longevity

The Chicago Tribune, March 5

Court Rules Boxer Shorts Are Indeed Underwear

Journal of Commerce, April 20

Biting nails can be sign of tenseness in a person

The Daily Gazette of Schenectady, New York, May 2

Lack of brains hinders research

The Columbus Dispatch, April 16

How we feel about ourselves is the core of self-esteem, says author

Louise Hart

Boulder, Colorado, Sunday Camera, February 5

Fish lurk in streams

Rochester, New York, Democrat & Chronicle, January 29

Chick Accuses Some of Her Male Colleagues of Sexism

The Los Angeles Times, June 23

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